Another year end looms ahead.....

And so comes another December,
with memories to remember,
And just like the days past,
They run away, the days, so fast...

Another year end looms ahead
And another beginning begins;
And what is left out there to be said,
But a remembrance of all our sins...

A year has gone by, where so much happened
And people still live on, waiting;
For smiles that never come, disheartened
But with hope alive, speculating...

For a chance at a new day, a new beginning
To set things right, and to celebrate
Random threads pulled by the Creator upstairs,
And another New Year comes, tempting fate...

My stupid greedy heart...

There's never peace in my heart,
It lusts for more and more
Of this, of that, like a big shopping cart,
It keeps all my wishes in store...

It'll keep beating away today,
Like it did yesterday,
To say,happiness can never be mine
And I know,I can never be fine...

Try as I might, but it seems so so tough,
My heart can never be truly satisfied
With the little things, that I say are enough
Somehow, it knows that I lied....

And I hope that some day, when I stand on a hill
And look down on all that is mine, so vast
I'll find it in me, some humility still
And find some peace,somewhere, at last...

The Coffee Table

It was a small wooden table but it held tremendous importance to the 4 people sitting around it.
Every day, they gathered around their hallowed table, steaming cups of coffee or tea in hand, and discussed the
world like there was no tomorrow. The table was their rock, upon which they laid the foundation of their friendship,
around which they talked, fought, joked and occasionally, stood upon to give a rousing dramatic speech or enacted scenes from
their favourite movie.
Today, they were fighting. It was over a silly topic, which movie to go to in the evening.
But still, words were being exchanged and the 4 were at the center of attention. It was after all a small cafeteria, and
there was only so much you could do or say without being noticed.
"I don't like that actor, his hamming is worse than his stammering...." said Person A.
Tempers flared quickly on hearing this statement, Persons B and C were evidently big fans of the aforementioned actor.
"So what, it's a superhit movie, isn't it? We are going and thats it!" said C.
"What do you mean it's a superhit movie? Have you even taken the trouble of reading the reviews? Two stars!! Why do you want
to spend all your good hard earned money on a two bit movie for a guy who can't act?" came back A strongly.
"Then why did it become a super hit?" came back B even stronger.
"Because of idiots like you. Do what you want, I am not going to that movie. I can stand outside for three hours if you want....", A
was now beginning to understand that he was fighting a losing battle.

Bang! Person D had just slammed the table with his huge ham-like fist. Cups of hot coffee went flying all across.

"No one is standing outside for three hours. No one is going for a movie. Guys, its our last day in this city, our last time together...
Is this how you want to end it?" said D, hoping to bring a bit of sentiment into the discussion.

Five minutes of discussion later, all apprehensions of a bad three hours put aside, it was finally decided that no one was going anywhere.
The movie would after all come on TV in a few days. Instead, they voted for a quiet dinner there followed by drinks outside.

"Gather around guys, one last photograph....There are so many memories of us here!" said B.

And so it was that the four gathered around their rock, their one steady thing in the years that went by.
They were software engineers, and for them their coffee table knew so much more about their minds and their lives. They thought that the dripping
coffee looked like the tears that the table had shed for them; for they were leaving, maybe never to return again...

Wrapped tight across, in a thick blanket,
of silence, we sit together
And wait and wait, for the ice to break
With awkward glances here and there, and whether
You would begin, or 'twould be me
To even say, "what lovely weather!"
And I look at your eyes,they hold such promise,
But those ungrateful words fail me,
when I need them the most
You suddenly turn your head my way,
my heart's in an awful mess
I look away, unwillingly,and I think I can see
An inward smile, a sigh of relief,
You too don't know what to say...
I pick up the courage, I sit up straighter,
You pick up your bag, get up to go
I wish I had said it,sooner than later
But suddenly you smile! And suddenly I know,
As you wave goodbye today, I know what to do
There's always tomorrow, when I'll wait for you...

Tonight I yearn, to write down a song,
But somehow it seems to comes out all wrong...
And how I wish I could hum along,
To a tune, thats stuck in my head so long...

And I know, it ain't just a feeling now,
Its what I've always wanted to do,
And I just know, I just don't know how,
These words, I wanna sing them out to you...

And when I try to sing, I just can not,
Without a little tear drop escaping me
And it leaves me all muddled,sad,distraught,
Why? For it is a happy song you see...

That only I could see, a hundred ways
That each word evoked memories and brought tonight
Of you, of the smile on your face,
When I sing this song, to you, tonight.

A Night Out on the Terrace

The clock struck 2 AM. A blanket of oppressive silence was spread throughout the house, punctuated only by the intermittent snores of my dad, my granddad, and my uncle.

I lay there in silence, wondering and pondering over why my sleep took so long to come. Maybe it was stuck in traffic. Or maybe the noise had scared it away. In any case, I knew it wouldn't come very soon.

It was the start of winter, and being in Mumbai, the cold was as alien to me as aliens are.

I slipped out of my room on the second floor of my bungalow, silently, making as much noise as the ants that crept up those walls. My destination was the terrace, and I stood outside the thick wooden paneled door to the terrace with a pillow, terribly nervous and excited at the adventure that I thought I was going on. I wasn't allowed nightly jaunts anywhere, and being awake at 2 in the night was considered a grave sin punishable by... I gave up such depressing thoughts of punishment and crept on forward to look for the key to the giant Godrej lock that kept the terrace out of bounds. Luckily enough, I found it hanging on a nail on the terrace door. What luck!


It was only when I began to unlock it, that I realized the futility of the effort. The noise that the damn slide bolt made was enough to raise an army of dead. I cursed myself and my silly ideas and slid out the last part of the bolt quickly. Somehow, nobody woke up.The stentorious snores still carried on with all might and power.

Now, my house being as old and creaky as it was, creeping up the stairs to the terrace again made me jumpy at every step. I had no idea when I used these very stairs during the day that they made so much noise. I finally made it up there. It was only now that I realized that I had bought no beddings or bed sheets. Drat!

I decided to spend a few hours here in the company of the stars and return to the relative comfort of my room. I lay down with my pillow looking up at the dark blue sky.

It was a full moon that smiled back at me, chiding me for being so naughty...I looked around. Not so many stars. Hmm, why? I finally came to the conclusion that most of the stars were either shy or had called in sick because of all the polluted air.

A somewhat cool breeze was blowing in an easterly direction, and I slowly felt the calm of the night descend upon me like a comforting blanket. I had to make sure that I wouldn't slip off to sleep and cause a heart attack below in the morning. I looked around the terrace. Everything looked so different in the night, the tiles on the terrace sparkled differently in the moonlight, the iron bars reflected it in strange ghostly ways with shadows playing across the floor in amusement.

I suddenly became aware of someone watching me with great interest. It was my cat, and she was regarding me in an imperious manner. She looked at me with disgust, how could I slip off like a night burglar in the middle of the night in her territory? That was her job!

She suddenly jumped down from her perch on the railing and giving me one final disapproving look, stalked off to the stairs, presumably to complain to my parents about my adventuring.

I on the other hand, took umbrage to this, and decided to stick around a bit more, just to spite her. Who was she to boss over me? I regret it to this day, and it has only taught me one thing, never disagree with the fact that pet cats rule over their owners and it is never the other way around.

Within five minutes, my dialogues with the moon and the stars were interrupted by the arrival of my entire family with expressions ranging from anger to amusement.

The cat, on its own initiative had woken up my mother who, like all mothers are, looked around for me to put the blame on. Not finding me, she came to the conclusion that I had finally come true on my promise to either run away, or spend a night on the terrace. They decided to follow the latter option first. I was lucky that there were no hockey sticks, or other assault weapons.

My adventure at an end, I was subjected to a barrage of choice abuse and lectures in the middle of the night. I have never ever tried such adventures since. I didn't even speak to the cat for the next few days.



The cat, on the other hand, had taken up this golden opportunity to drink up all the milk that was kept in the kitchen....

Random Thoughts

The random wanderings of an empty mind,
Take me,on a journey queer
To know and feel,what i've never seen
To places far and near...

I remember the past, like celluloid strips,
And sometimes create some stories new
I feel like I'm the master of the ship,
But I knew not how the winds blew...

I think of stories, and poems, and more
And yet I don't know why,
I somehow feel maddened to the core
And I feel my mind run dry...

Oh, 'tis good to be working hard,
To perspire, to feel the sweat upon my brow,to stand tall,
And bask in the glory of just reward
But now that i think it feels much better, to not have to work at all...

First Drops of Rain

Soft drops, they wait and watch,
For the right moment, to hit your face;
And when rain comes down, and the starlings hatch
And the sweet sweet smell of the earth, there are so many ways...

To feel alive, to lose your pain,
To let the tears, roll down unseen;
To prance around, in the summer rain
To cry, to smile, to love that green...

And to wish to God, to be worry free,
When the rain comes down, in sheets of white;
When dew and freshness and misty fog envelopes thee
With the pitter patter on the roof, in the night...

How blessed we feel, that first summer's day
When it begins to rain, and we feel relieved
We wouldn't have it, any other way
'Cos in His divine magic we had believed...

A Friend

 

One day, I will be a friend, you'll need me
One day, I will be some one you will see
With fresh new eyes, a whole new sight,
And deep down inside, you'll feel all warm
I'll keep you safe, from every storm
And sometimes I will let you cry at night
And I won't say a word.......

And one day, I'll let you fly,
And one day, I'll soar with you
To every cloud that made your day,
And be with you, whatever you do
I'll hold your hand, and I will stay
With you, today, tonight,
And I can't help but smile
When you become a free bird....

It feels so good, to be a friend
It feels so right, to say what's true
And never care, or ever pretend
And I can be, but anything else
Cos you know it, And I always knew
What you were to me, And I was to you
And I wish we were friends again....
And I wish we were friends again....

Moments that I will remember forever….

1) I distinctly remember the day I first went up the road to my school, holding my grandfather’s hand, waiting for admission. I remember climbing up onto the principal’s desk and delivering a Rajiv Gandhi speech I had learnt by heart with full gusto and enthusiasm, for a promised chocolate…. (Bribes! they start them so early…. :) )
2) I remember that happy day in class 1-C when I won the first of many quiz competitions. I didn’t realise it then, but that day was the beginning of a life long obsession with learning and remembering abstract and totally irrelevant facts… ( The first of them being the direction in which the sun rose….! )
3) I remember most of my quizzes, essays and elocution competitions in school, and the hard nights I had put in for every one of them, the sweet taste of victory, the anger at having come in second, and many more emotions…..
4) Watching In Harihar Nagar and Ramji Rao Speaking countless times on my ancient Video player and on TV…. Picked fights with mom when I was not allowed to watch them without completing my homework.
5) The day when my class came out with the class magazine “VISION”…. my proudest moment as the editor…
6) The day I won the bible crossword puzzle with Rs 50/- as the prize for my church magazine. My first earning. The beginning of a long journey with crosswords and puzzles.
7) Listening to ameen sayani talk of kishore, rafi, lata, asha and the names of a hundred unknown people from across India on vivdh bharati radio just before singing out malayalam prayer songs with my mom and slipping off to the world of dreams…. Beginning of a lifelong obsession with music, Kishore in particular.
8) Watching umpteen cartoons like He-Man, Swat Kats, Popeye. Eating spinach in the hope that I would get muscles like popeye. Learning that its all a hoax….
9) Taping songs from radio onto cassettes, and trying out hopeless imitations of all the singers…I remember spending a whole summer with my tape-recorder and walkman. It was an old Philips model, and we were inseparable!
10) Collecting and playing with cards of famous wrestling stars with my two best friends from the colony….Oh, the summers I spent traipsing all around my colony Mini-Land….the pool, the playground, trying to touch the sky on a swing….
11) My lifelong association with books began the day I got one as a birthday present, from the folks living on the ground floor in ‘93.
Didi, I will always be indebted to you for that Hardy Boys book.I’ve read and owned at one time or another, close to 200 other Hardy Boys books, and my thirst for books of that sort has only grown since.
I remember reading one book a day from my school library, and suprising the librarian everyday, so much so that she gave me an extra key to the  shelf. And I daresay with just a hint of pride, I must have read more books than all of my peers in school combined.
Many subscriptions to Gokulam, Tinkle, Readers Digest, etc later, whenever I see a book, I am drawn to it.
12) The Food. My grandma’s cooking. No further words needed.
13) My first job in Accenture. Joining day. Rains. Four more years of many projects, people, hard work, no work, carrom, Java, etc.
14) My first trip to America.
15) My second trip to America.

And then there are many more memories. Of going to church on a cold December night every year for Christmas, Sunday School, Coaching classes, tuition classes for Marathi and Hindi, Gaming sessions in a video game parlour, travelling to Kerala, to Thiruvalla, Tripunithura, through all the states of South India, and many more.

I write this in the hope that one day, when I look back at this post and read it, I will remember all of these memories again.
One day, I will look back and thank God, as I do now, for all the blessings, all the happiness, all the memories. All the good and bad times I’ve had. All the people around me. All the love, affection, friendship I’ve been lucky to have.
I write this in the hope that whoever reads this may know, the Lord is great and merciful. And he never ever says no to a prayer from the heart for some true love and happiness. My memories are proof enough of that…..

Journeys.....

Journeys.....
What a title.Inspiring.
When I set out to write a few words with this topic in mind, I am reminded of the enormity of the task at hand and the scores of able writers and their innovative imaginations which have previously presented colourful vistas of all corners of this world through their words. I feel as if scratching the surface of this gigantic task is in itself a herculean task of which I may not be worthy.
What is the most beautiful/exotic place in the world? A loaded question. One that cannot be answered. Perhaps, What is the most beautiful/exotic place you have seen would be a better question.
For me, unquestionably, it would be Kerala. God's own country. The land of plenty, the land of greenery, the land where nobody likes to work, and every body's business is everybody else's business.
After two trips to "The United States of America", many would beg to differ with me. However, the old adage stays true, beauty really does lie in the eyes of the beholder. The US did offer me some fantastic panoramic views, rolling plains, countrysides with horses and cows, the usual picture that children begin to draw or paint sceneries whenever asked to, or the ideal image that has had poets writes paeans about.
But they lack soul. Or maybe it isn't so evident.
Whatever be the case, an early morning stroll through a quiet lane in my "gaon" of Tripunithura on a cool December morning is definitely sure to invigorate and refresh my senses and make me feel like a brand new person.
The journey to Kerala is in itself worthy of a book and I won't presume to think of anybody who has made the journey to ever forget it easily.
The 30 hour journey begins with 2 days prior preparations at home. Buying the little things, toothbrushes, socks, locks for the bags, etc is a much needed exercise dutifully carried out by everyone. Then mum begins to cook. After years and years of discussion, for every trip we end up making either Lemon Rice or biryani and carrying a bag full of food that is never finished.
Then begins the epic journey. We start by always reaching LTT station atleast 2 hours early. To beat traffic. And wallow in the dirty, dank, moist and inhospitable atmosphere of LTT. Thankfully, we have confirmed tickets.
After boarding the train comes the inevitable unpacking, dad wearing a lungi and me and mom slipping into more comfortable footwear. Then begins the all important survey of our neighbours for the next 25 or so hours. And not surprisingly, it is always, always so easy to connect with them on a personal level. As if we've known them all our life.
Details are shared quickly, what I do, where I work, etc. Grouses are commonly dispatched with, how dirty the roads are, how its going to be worse, the rains, the trains. It's all a way to unwind. And without knowing, its time to order dinner, which thankfully we dont have to do.
We order for breakfast and lunch the next day. I'm already looking forward to not eating all that food.

Dinner over, everyone settles in again, for a round of talking shop. The lazier ones want to sleep. Which is usually a good idea, since it gets a big number of hours out of the way. I am already counting in reverse. Maybe I'm suffering from OCD. Who knows.

Bunk beds. The next most important thing in the train. People go to great lengths to assure themselves of a lower berth. We just book early. And get them.A jealous and rueful look passing over the other's faces, we go to sleep.Only to hear about fifty chainsaws roaring through the damn compartment. If I didnt know my father too snored, I would have complained. But my mother now says I snore too. That leaves me with very little choice but to sleep.

And morning arrives, bringing with it the usual coffee/tea guy. He's a really popular guy wanted by one and all, and like the police in bollywood, always comes late.

By now I am really desperate.For a bath.For a comfortable chair.For some food. And the 15 or so hours left only break my heart even more. I look out the window. No use. Goa, in all its beauty is shimmering in mist outside. All I'm interested in is getting there. Is that too much to ask for. Apparently, yes.

I read a book. I read the newspaper. I read another book. I listen to some music on my Ipod. All the while, the train is unaware of my predicament and chugs along lazily. Stopping everywhere. Like a politician, asking for votes. I look at my watch.7 more hours to go. "WHAT!!", I say to myself.

And finally, in all its beauty, comes Kerala. I can feel it in my bones. The greenery changes, the houses look different. And a few known faces smile at my from passing hoardings. I stand at the door and wave out to the children along the tracks. Who think I am crazy.Or suicidal.Or both.
Some even wave back...Glad I made their day....

When I get down at Ernakulam, none of the problems seem too big.Its raining, the coolie is out to fleece us and the taxis and buses run on jet fuel through lanes which would scare a bicycle rider.It doesnt matter. What matters is that I am in the loving arms of my grandparents once again.

I have reached the end of my journey....
I am home.

My friendship with a Cat

The cat, for reasons all its own decided to let me touch her head one day. This was after I had spent 3 lifetimes in getting her to agree to my point of view about the piece of fish being offered actually being tasty.There was a curious suspicion in her eyes when I had offered her the piece, as if I had some sort of serum injected in it which would render her paralysed from the neck downwards.
The outstretched paw she put out reminded me of one of the characters from fantasric 4, and she went to fantastic lengths to prove she was good enough to maintain a one-hand distance from me and still get the fish piece.Me being me, I decided to test her to see if she really did want that piece so much and put out my own paw, i mean hand to compete with her.
A low growl emerged, she meant business and she wasn't willing to share. What manners! And suddenly out of nowhere, her claws came out. At this point I decided to let her have it. After all, what's the point in eating raw fish? Who eats raw fish these days,except for that disgusting guy on some nature channel....She looked happier and I could have sworn I saw her smile inwardly for a second.

The fish was hers, hers alone. A tiny but sharp claw hooked the fish and slowly dragged it back towards her. Eyes still on mine to see if I posed another challenge, she slowly devoured the piece, inch by inch until it was gone....Maybe it was the smile in my eyes, maybe it was Lady Luck smiling down on me, but at that moment I guess she knew I wasn't a threat...

I stretched out my hand again, empty this time, but all the same towards her. She slowly looked at me and came closer,sniffing the air, and gave a small wet lick to my fingertips. I ran my fingertips up her wet pink nose, onto her forehead and let it rest there, savouring the feeling of having mastered a wild and dangerous clawed feline beast.

That was how our friendship started. The cat, for reasons all its own decided to let me touch her head one day.

life,and stuff like that....

It takes a very small minuscule moment to really realize something about yourself that perhaps you were neglecting or just plain ignoring in favour of other fashionable pursuits.Sometimes, in that one moment, you realize the little things in life thst once mattered to you are no longer there, you realize that its been a really long time since you smiled from your heart, and you suddenly realize, you've been wanting all those things all along without doing anything about it. How many times a year can you really say, you were able to fulfill one lifetime dream?
And how many people can really be proud of that number?
That is what life is all about....

Some days again...

Some days, you need to feel free,
Some days, you just need to be
What no one could see,
What no one could be...
And just let emotions, run through your mind
Just let your inner self, take it all out,rewind
Take a deep breath, make a promise
To be just you, to be fine
Take a walk through the garden,
And look for the sign...
That says you're just human,
That says its ok to be flawed
And you'll find, you're now happy again,
And you'll thank Almighty God...

my first attempt at a few lines in hindi...

Na saha jaaye,haye ye kaisa hai dard
ho aurat tum aakhir,
kya jaano kya sehta hain mard..
kab se liye firte hai,
is dil mein ye chhoti si kahani,
hai zakhm ye purana,
hai daastan ye purani
na milo fir kisi raah par,
ye dua karta hu main,
na milo fir kisi raah par,
ye dua karta hu main,
na mita sakenge fir hum tumpe ye jawani...
aur kya kya zulm dhaaye hai humpar,
is ishq ne yun beraham bankar,
bas reh gaye hai kuch yaadein,
bankar tumhari nishaani...

Something's not right,
I've been thinking all night,
I've been thinking all day,
But it just won't go away...

Seems I can't get over it,
That something's missing somewhere
And I know there's something more to it
,Than just a feeling that's there...

And I wish i could put my finger on it,
And say,"the trouble's here",
And i'm angry cos I can't get to it,
When I feel that i'm so near...

I hate that nagging part of my brain,
That says, "something's wrong!",
And another night, I lay awake in vain;
Till morning comes along...

IT AT 60!

A bubble burst,somewhere
In the back of his mind
"Like the DotCom bubble",he thought...
Whatever happened? Was he beyond care?
For some semblance of sanity,he fought...
Retirement,it crept upon him,slowly
And his body didn't seem to mind
He was all of sixty,now, suddenly
Like his children did so often remind...
An IT job, a cushioned existence;
And hundreds of young un's at his beck and call...
"It all goes away today", he cried
He'd never imagined that one day he'd fall
And won't hang around, no matter what he tried...
Computers,they were a boon,also a bane
With the tendency to drive you insane
With endless cups of coffee, and junk food galore
And waiting for ratings, for what was in store,
And late nights, and parties, and short trips abroad
"They've all gone away, now help me God!"
So spake a poor balding fat stooping guy
An IT professional, as he bade his job goodbye...!
07:50pm, Fri 11-02-2011

I wish...

I wish I had a big gray castle
And around it, a big blue moat.
I wish I had an airplane too
And a million dollar boat
I wish I was a knight, shining
All heroic and strong and bold
And wish I had my stories told,
To children, to menfolk too.
I wish I had a damsel fair,
In distress, to save and make my queen
I wish I was a dashing thief,
I'd steal her heart, and never be seen.
I wish I had a dragon-slaying sword,
And a mighty dragon to kill too!
I wish I had my piles of gold, to hoard
And shout from the rooftops that I do...
I'd spin around the world, and hear
For myself, some fairy tales, some true
The stories that made my childhood bear
Some stories that live on in memory;
These fantasies, Oh God be so kind
And make them all come true, let me see
For a moment, to know how it feels
For just a moment, to not be me....

Waiting....

So I'm waiting for a sunrise,

I'm waiting for another day,

I'm hoping to hear something nice

Tomorrow, if not today....

I can see the stars, I can see them shine

I can see them mock me, I can see their smile,

I can see their lines, a design divine

Even if it took me a while..

And it happens, every night, while I wait,

For the words to come to me; I hope

As I watch the clouds dance with a telescope

For the words that illuminate.....

The hours, they tick, they tock, they fade

And down goes more sand in the hourglass

And I wait in vain, and I wait in vain

Oh 'twere better to watch the growing grass....