There are days, and then there are days
That I regret living, and a hundred ways
That could have made it better still
And yet I let sorrow have its fill

When I could have said words, that didn't hurt
Or been the better person that day
When I could have let ego, slither away
But instead I smeared my goodness with dirt

But there's so much pain, inside
And a growing typhoon of rage, so livid
And for how long will my emotions hide?
For what, just a few little words insipid?

My acid tears, within me burn, ever widening hole
Eating away, rotting what little is left of my soul
Some day, quietly, the volcano burst, will cool
Leaving me, a broken eggshell, like a fool...

Sometimes

Some times I think that while I'm here
I'll write a lovely song for you
But then I find that I don't need to
'Cos you can hear my heartbeat, singing, near
Sometimes I think that when I'm far
And I can see a lonely star
I know you're thinking of me too,
'Cos I know you love me, like I love you
Sometimes I wish that I could feel now
The touch of your hands, the kiss of your lips
Your gentle smile, the sway of your hips
The look in your eyes, one lifted eyebrow...
Sometimes, when we're together, yet still apart
It burns my soul, it breaks my heart
Then I know, I'll sing a song, like once before
To know I will love you, forever and more...

Chingaari un sholo ki...

Hamesha basanti ke saath hi aisa Kyu hota hai,
Kahi pe viru rota hai, kahi jai sota hai
kabhi Gabbar hasta hai, wahi thakur fasta hai
Wahi ramgarh hai, wahi dhanno hai, wahi Rasta hai

Jaha jaane jaaye, maano thode saste hai
Kaalia aur saambha, tab marte hai jab haste hai
Inaam ka khel, do haatho ka Mel
Holi ka rang, ek puraani rail....

Radha ki hasi,fir woh khoon ka kehar
Woh harmonium ki dhun, ek anokhi lehar
Chacha ka andhera, mausi ka basera
Woh tanki pe chadna, us Raat ka sawera....

Woh jailor ke mooch, woh scooter ka gaana
Woh sikka, jise har baar sach hai batana
Woh Sholay, woh angaarey, kya cheez thi janaab
Na kabhi bana tha, na banega, iska koi jawaab....

Rains

Sometimes, these days when I walk by
And when I look into the cloudy sky
There's electricity there, sizzling blue
"Shocking!", I say, its funny but true

These clouds, they gather round and wait
For a man who curses out at all the wetness
And drown him so, with drops of rain
Intruding, seeping, a perfect mess...

It gets into the shoes, and papers too
And bags and purses and mobile phones, new
And causes all around, mayhem, stress
When it ruins a perfectly good new dress

But it offers its moments, romantic, but few
And its stories, under an umbrella, of people two
And moments lost tracing a droplet, of rain
While sipping tea with biscuits, near a window pane...

Conversation with a friend...

me:
good night then to you my friend
the stars and the sky call out the hour
And the moon wails in luminescent yellow
Iridiscent bubbles, magnetic in its power

friend:
How then can I doze and dream
upon this mattress of grass, out here
When worries scar my brow, and in fear
My eyes well up, under the moonlit beam

me:
No matter it is, to worry into the night
For naught has come of anguish, give up
All that is dark, All that you dread
And wait for the morning’s gleaming light

friend:
Ah, This waiting, ’tis what kills, till morning has dawned
The hours, they do not tick away quick enough,
I hide under a blanket, yet, I get the chills
For I find darkness beneath, anddarkness beyond…

me:
Words, They do no good for the broken heart,
Nor are they balm for the burning soul
For what the heart wants, it wants
And nothing else can make it whole...

Promises for Tomorrow....

Promises, made tonight,my love
Of a sunny tomorrow, for you
That may or may not come to pass
And yet, your conviction stays true

But I worry and fret, and fritter away
My joy and happiness I have today
When all I must do is bask in your love
Leave my worries behind, live in the now....

For there might not be a joyous morrow
There might be for us, nothing but sorrow
But dream today we can, of brighter days
Tomorrow, is a  much better day, always...


With faith,I live my every moment now a part
Of His design, in God's eternal mercy, to borrow
With a song on my lips, a little hope in my heart
That the best day of my life is tomorrow....

The last Task....

Eyes scrunched in concentration, he peered at the luminescent screen with a fervent prayer on his lips.
It was a classic day at work, beginning early at 8 AM, and it was still going on, sixteen hours later. He knew he wouldn't regret staying this late in office, he had no-one to go back home to.
The green line on his screen moved at an impossibly slow pace, forcing him to calm his hyperventilating lungs with soothing words. All the smoke within them from the thousands of cigarettes he had smoked seemed to be wrung out. A small red light blinked on and off nearby, screaming for attention but getting none in return. The phone line was open, there were twelve people on the other end of the phone, a million miles away and a few hundred longitudes eastwards, waiting with equally bated breath.
The cone of light from the single bulb above his head shone on a balding pate, equally harsh and soothing. Sunlight was barely encountered by people such as him, and he had the rare distinction of having seen a sunset a few months back. It had been a Saturday, but then no one cared for such particulars. The rarity of the event itself spoke volumes of his daily work-life balancing abilities.
The sleek new printer in the corner of the room belched out papers at irregular intervals, breaking the monotony with their quiet screeching. It sprung awake now with a fresh bunch of papers, scaring him. Still, he didn't dare to move his eyes from the screen for fear of breaking that spell, for fear that he may never get another chance at redemption if he screwed up this chance.
The darkness surrounding the rest of the room enveloped the pool of light, and he felt its strength compress his soul as it did the light. Something on a metaphysical level was at work here.

The screen changed, The moment of truth.

"Hey, what happened ? ", asked someone from the phone. "Its done. I'm outta here. See you guys soon.", he said, relief flooding his eyes, his mind and soul.
The screen said "CONFIRMED". That was all he needed. He hit a couple of keys and the printer came to life again. As soon as they spewed out his papers, he snatched them up and carefully placed them in a folder in his bag.  Then scooping up the bag, he slammed down the phone without even a good-bye and left the room, carefully placing the handwritten letter he had under the keyboard.

He had already booked a ticket on the Indian Railways website, after three hours of a mammoth struggle in the morning. This was his last deployment task before leaving. He was going on vacation for two weeks. He would come back and put in his papers, literally throw them in his manager's face... The grin on his face couldn't be erased even if he wanted to.  He was going to keep this promise to himself, to travel across the world. And all these years of hundreds of hours slogging away to earn the money he needed were finally bearing fruit.

"Damn, I didn't shut down the PC!" he thought, as he took a step backwards. Then he realised, it was this attitude he had to relinquish. He was no longer a slave.The step moved forward, the grin never left his face....

Trust

A rarity, that measure, which man doth know not
Of friends, of caring, all balderdash and rot..
There is but one heart, that beateth in care
And that is his own, and that too very rare

For many moons, doth that man, refuse to believe
What common sense, and judgement do easily reveal
And then too, his grief, through his heart doth so cleave
His foolishness, now evident, nothing else does he feel

There might have been mountains, conquered in quest
But love none yet has enslaved, that is one Everest, 
When push comes to shove, there is no real love
And his own skin is all a man looks to save, and how!

So forget all the roses, the ribbons and the cake
And believe cold hard reason, for your own little sake
Every yes has a reason, every no, even more so
And you'll be a little liberated, more than you know...

Why?

Did you feel sorry, truly sorry today
When you broke my heart, I was surprised
With those pointed words, and then apologised
Only to say them again, in a different way

As I left those tears to dry, on my cheek
When you left me crying alone, all this week
How did I wrong you, what did I say
How could I hurt you in any way?

For I loved you, so much more than you could know
And I could never see you unhappy, or sad
But there is bitterness, in your furrowed brow
And I'd hate to think, it was me being bad

So tell me dear, do you mean those little words
For they pierce my soul, like tiny pointed swords
Forgiveness, should I ask for, or give you mine
Or will it all be forgotten, with tomorrow's sunshine...

Ego

This world of yours, what do you know about it,
What little you see, you go on and on about it
No other people, nobody else can come and go,
Ain't nobody here bigger than your ego...

This world, leering, like a wolf, a bloody fang,
Eager to rip you apart, take you out with a bang
Thats all you ever see, but it's more, and I know
There's good also in it, if you just let it show

You may be a little lonely, but you're not alone
You're just another guy, not sitting on a throne
There is no castle, have a good look around
There are other players, on this little playground

There can be a better world, if only we let it be,
And bring about a little change, a bit of humility
Pedestals are for fools, they can be knocked down
Whenever a new hero walks into your town...

last day of 2012...

The last day, of a year that has been so remarkable, in so many ways. It has given me so much, taken away so much, taught me so much and is probably the best thing to happen to me since i was born. It is the end of so many things, a marker in my memory to remember indelible moments that must endure for all eternity, and also forgettable for many things that could have gone in a better way but didnt. A year end that hopefully marks the end of many things, but also hopefully a new beginning, to a better year, where the smiles outnumber the frowns. Goodbye 2012, and here's looking forward to 2013!!